Take a self-inventory.įirst, you have to identify the origins of your persistently unpleasant feelings as they relate to one specific relationship. Tawwab, whose book is the quintessential guide on how to set limits, points out that while boundaries are not universal-as she explains, “They are unique to an individual, their experiences, what they want and need in life”-the process for asserting them has three core components. Play icon The triangle icon that indicates to play “How do we help you establish those boundaries that will lessen the anxiety?” “This holiday-related anxiety that has you in bed for two weeks before Thanksgiving is really the inability to tell your mother that you don’t want to come home for Thanksgiving, right? It’s anxiety,” Tawwab explains. “There are so many cases of anxiety, depression, and relationship issues that are influenced by a lack of boundaries,” she says.Īfter several years of working as a clinician, Tawwab began noticing an alarming but revealing pattern in her practice: An inability to identify and set self-protective boundaries was underlying innumerable cases of mental health issues and substance abuse.

Unfortunately, the cumulative impact of failing to delineate and demarcate our boundaries can have a detrimental impact on our well-being, says relationship expert and therapist Nedra Glover Tawwab, LCSW, author of Set Boundaries, Find Peace. Whether it’s with family members, friends, or colleagues, we don’t want to impose, hurt feelings, or incur displeasure, no matter how uncomfortable or unhealthy a situation is. Figuring out (and asking for) what we need or want can be uniquely challenging, especially for women: We’re socially and culturally conditioned to place our desires beneath those of others.

Nedra glover tawwab set boundaries